Longevity pay.

Recently, I reached an employment milestone: 10 years with the County of Kern. For my loyalty, I received a nice tote, a certificate (see photo below), and an extra little love on my pay check. This last item was something that I had heard of but had never experienced. Something called longevity pay.

To be honest, I had mixed feelings about this financial blessing. Much as I, like anyone in this economy, could use a few extra bucks each pay period, I had this sinking feeling that I had reached a dead end--an uncomfortably comfortable habituality--from which I would never escape.

In order to process my thoughts, I wrote a short, depressing poem:

Longevity pay (what it means):

Stable, solid, old.

Settled, no longer looking, no more hope of change--

nor of striving to reach goals.

Arriving at plateaus; no longer choosing.

Becoming one of them.

Defeat.

Smacking of bland death or middle age--whichever comes first--

Walking in tasteless, stale, sensible shoes.

Cheery, eh? It's certainly not as maudlin a prospect as all that, but I do feel I've missed certain "windows" which may never open again. However, I have embraced the new dollar amount I get to count on each check, and though I have mixed feelings about being a permanently permanent fixture with the County, I am proud of the fact that I've stuck with an employer this long--and that, in these times, that employer has allowed me to stick!

And, guess what? Last time I checked, I'm still breathing. Some opportunities are, quite definitely, gone forever. But future possibilities of art, new experiences, and life and love are all before me. I don't think I need to finish my autobiography just yet.

Dust and nostalgia.

What the heck are these?

Most years Bakersfield skips the season of spring and jumps right into summer.  But unpredictable temperatures in the last couple of months have allowed us natives to pretend we live at the beach--minus the ocean view. It is starting to warm up now, but while we were experiencing cooler weather I was inspired to do a bit of spring cleaning.

Found my red Keds!

The back bedroom closet had become a solid wall of dust and nostalgia that needed to be sifted. I took on the task while I had a week off from work, but quickly realized how much time was going to be needed for a project of this size. Boxes still packed from my last move yielded happy rediscoveries, and gobs of memories, packed away for the last twenty-five years of my life, were also found. Here was my old, green stationery box filled with school ID cards and long-ago classmates' phone numbers; letters and postcards from friends and ancient crushes; music trophies from my nerdy junior high years; and about one hundred stuffed animals whose faithful hugs I had nearly forgotten. I also found check stubs from every job I've ever held, poems and journals I'd written in my angsty 20s, and the scrapbook I made for my senior year of high school. What a thoroughly exhausting trip down memory lane!

While the closet is still not fully organized, reliving some of the old days has uncluttered my mind, at least a little. As I creep ever more quickly toward my 40th birthday, it was a good time to reflect on how far I've come, how blessed I am, and how much I'm looking forward to what the next decades bring! Done any spring cleaning lately? What's the best thing you've rediscovered?

Rediscovered Sarah Coventry bracelet which I remember wearing in the 80s!!

Origins.

Maybe it's all the studying in Anthropology about origins; perhaps it's just all the studying in general--and the not having the time for sit-and-chats; or it could be the nagging thoughts that wander about my brain late at night...whatever it is, I've lately found myself thinking more and more about my parents. I'm truly blessed to know these warm, wonderful humans at all, let alone to have been born to and raised by them. Virtually everyone I know who has met my parents has had positive things to say about this dynamic, generous, and talented couple. And why should I not do the same?

I took the above photos for my parents 46th anniversary. This year will be 48! Much love M & D!!